Screenplay: Martin Brest
Actor: Jennifer Lopez
Length: approx. 1 minute minimum
You know what you boys need is to develop better people skills. However, in the meantime… excuse me…
(turns off the radio)
Ever heard of Tai Moi Chai? No? okay, in traditional Tai Moi Chai there are 5 levels of digital orb extrusion. That’s the gauging out of your opponents eyeball with one’s finger. The highest and most difficult to master, and is my personal favourite, Kai Toi Mai, loosley translated that’s “the rip that takes the past”. Now, once the thumb liquefies the eye it is deftly and immediately replaced by the forefinger. Deep thrust. Hooking around and securing the ocular nerve. then, removing it with such force as to bring with it by suction a vital portion of the visual cortex. The part of the brain, as I’m sure you may know, that stores visual memory. Now, the extraordinary element of this move… the genius of it… the absolute poetry of it. Is that, aside from the obvious, one’s opponent is left with no memory of anything he has ever seen. Family, friends, nothing! Hence, Kai Toi Mai. “The rip that takes the past”. As you can imagine, very difficult to practice here in the United States, but I felt it well worth the trips to the Chiang Rai province. People Skills! You see, knowing how to properly judge character. Knowing how and when to make a move, in short… knowing who to and who not to fuck with.
*this monologue has been cut here.